


Two Can Keep a Secret

by NarglesOnHerTongue



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Twins, Reincarnation, Threats of Violence, Trauma, Twins, both really, either Tsuna, fibromyalgia, mostly from Tsuna
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2018-09-14 02:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9156115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarglesOnHerTongue/pseuds/NarglesOnHerTongue
Summary: if one of them is dead,or if both are dead, reincarnated, and technically the same person.Tsuna and Tsuna are going to wind their unmotivated way through life and not even Reborn can stop them.Their only question is who gets which guardians.Everyone else wants to know who's getting the Vongola.





	1. Greeting Death with Open Arms

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Dead-Eyed Tsuna](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5562169) by [wyrvel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyrvel/pseuds/wyrvel). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also Inspired by Fibro!Tsuna tag on tumblr from Vongolastic but the inspiration box only has one possible entry.

**Tsuna wasn't expecting it.**

_Tsuna was expecting it for years._

**He didn't want to die, he wanted to run away.**

_He had been warned, he was willing to die too much._

**He had friends now, it was too soon.**

_His friends would miss him, the pain had been there too long._

**He was a selfish little monster and didn't want to die without having run away properly.**

_He had done so much for other people and only wanted the chance to do something for himself._

**He didn't even see what killed him.**

_He saw the bullet coming._

**His mother was going to be so sad when she heard.**

_His pain flared and he just wished he'd been selfish._

_ **BANG** _

 

 

"Congratulations Mrs. Sawada."

One child was asleep so she missed the dullness of his eyes. The other was sobbing in suprise at the sudden relief from pain.

Their names were Tsuna and Natsu, now if only they had found a way to mark them in time to remember which was which.


	2. The Day of Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming to terms with not being the only reincarnate sucks but not as much as fibro.
> 
> Also, the return of the twins: Agony and Fatalism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DETsuna POV so Tsuna is DETsuna and Natsu is Fibro!Tsuna

 

 

Tsuna moved from Downward-Dog pose to snake pose, slipped out of balance and fell on the carpet as his mother giggled in the background. Natsu was better at these things and never fell. They finished the set after five more poses and Natsu danced to his feet while Tsuna continued to lay on the ground and huff.

Natsu laughed and held out a hand for Tsuna, who grabbed it and let himself be pulled to their bedroom. He flopped on the bed and waved to Natsu. Natsu smiled and waved back. They grabbed each other’s hand in the space between the beds and closed their eyes.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

They both passed out from pain before they could scream.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tsuna regretted opening his eyes that morning. His first thought was not for food or the shock of pain the night before or even for the utterly bizarre color his room seemed to have been painted. It was for whether he’d been shot or hit by a bus. He just couldn’t remember and it was driving him nuts.

He wonders if he should get back to sleep until the feel of morning-after faded. He was too young to know what hangover felt like. Some things were slowly becoming clear though. His hand hurt. Someone was whimpering. It was far too bright. There was someone else in the room.

You’d think he’d have noticed that another person was in the room before or alongside hearing whimpers but it didn’t quite catch at first. He carefully disentangled his hand from the boy beside him on the other bed and stared. Trippy-double-vision-memories were real then. Which of them was Natsu?

“We’re both Tsuna by the sound of it, and we refer to each other as Natsu.” The other-him, Natsu then, had stopped whimpering and now mostly just looked resigned. Well, what Tsuna could see of his face looked like it could have been resigned anyway, hard to tell under the blanket.

“Now what?” Tsuna asked. He had been reincarnated, he didn’t have Kyoko any more, but at least he had a twin to share his misery with now. A twin who probably knew how he was feeling given his immediate understanding and answer to the question. It wasn’t a six-year-old’s answer.

“Bring me breakfast? I’m entirely too low on spoons for this conversation.” His twin had completely disappeared under the blanket.

“Spoons?” Tsuna asked. Probably not just like him before reincarnation then.

“Measure of my ability to handle life. Can I have your blanket?”

Tsuna blinked. Then he draped his own blankets over Natsu and headed downstairs. Seems his brother was messed up in his own way. If he was another Tsuna that would make sense.

“Tsuna, where’s your brother?” Nana looked worriedly at the stairs when Tsuna came down.

“Doesn’t feel well. Can I bring him breakfast?” Tsuna side-eyed his mother. This version seemed a bit more present than his own had ever been. It was disconcerting. He ate quickly so he wouldn’t bother her and took the rest upstairs.

“Got your food. Still warm even.” Tsuna placed the dish on the table between their beds. There was another small thing he couldn’t mess up. “Got the energy to share ideas? Theories?” He shouldn’t be asking, he really shouldn’t.

“You’ve figured out the reincarnation bit right?” Natsu didn’t even come out from the blankets completely. Just hovered a hand over the warm food before poking his head out to eat. He looked like a turtle a little. Hana would have laughed. So would Takeshi but he was always laughing at everything and so hardly counted.

“Figured it was that or hallucination. And I’d have either designed my twin as another me, or evil or something.” Tsuna nodded despite Natsu not looking at him. It wasn’t like he looked in mirrors if he could help it anyway, probably the same thing.

“Fair enough. I could never have imagined you either.” Natsu put his chopsticks down. “I feel like we should introduce ourselves…” He trailed off as he caught sight of Tsuna and blinked rapidly, as if to clear spots. 

Tsuna wondered how bad he looked before answering “I’m Useless-Tsuna, I guess.” he shrugged. “I like my old versions of Kyoko and Takeshi and memories of having a twin, I hate effort and possibly most people. I have Possible Trauma, self-diagnosed PTSD but I might be wrong, and I tend to stab people who startle me and then take two hours to come down from the panic attack.”

“The detail in that last one is disturbing.” Natsu’s mouth twitched. Tsuna couldn’t tell whether it was into a smirk or a frown. “I’m also Useless-Tsuna but some people call me Whiny-Brat or Trash.” 

He waved a hand gently, still mostly under blankets and only slow movements now Tsuna had enough decency to notice. “Natsu to my darling twin, I’ll also refer to you as Natsu. Everyone else can suck on their confusion. I have Fibromyalgia which means chronic pain, the constant feeling of having worked out too hard and being sore all the time. I measure my ability to handle things in spoons. I used to run the Vongola Mafia family. I like to complain, my hobbies include complaining, my dream is to one day succeed at something by griping at it.”

“I’ve heard of the Vongola. One of their side-group-things had a guy who called me an abomination once. Dad works for or with them doesn’t he?” Tsuna stacked the dishes to avoid looking at his brother in pain. He’d have to get used to that eventually wouldn’t he? Damn. 

“You didn’t have to run the thing? Lucky.” Natsu groused. “Although firing Iemitsu as both external adviser and father in the same conversation was almost worth everything.” His nostalgic smile was odd on a six-year-old. “Two of us here means we can pretty much screw with them at will.”

“We’ve already been to school. And I noticed Iemitsu doesn’t even know there’s more than one of us.” Tsuna shifted. “So if we sign up ‘Sawada Tsunayoshi’ as one student nobody’s going to notice, except maybe Hibari, but I doubt he pays that much attention. Only one of us has to go at a time.” It would be really nice even though Tsuna was an ass for suggesting Natsu go to school at all. There should be plans for running away as well. Should he take Natsu or not? Natsu was him, but he was also something good in his life and now Tsuna was confused. He re-focused on Natsu.

“That is the most brilliant idea of all time and I love you.” Natsu snorted. “If you weren’t Vongola Decimo then I wonder which timeline we’ll be dealing with?”

“I vote we don’t bother with either possibility and just do what we want.” Tsuna huffed.

“I like that plan.”

 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Nana was confused by the changes in the twins but they had just had a hard school year and then Iemitsu had come and left again. Silly man. If he ever stuck around long enough to find out he had twins at all he might not have been so surprised at their behavior.


	3. A Slight Separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fibro!Tsuna POV

_One name, one face, one record._

Tsuna let Natsu rub his back as he hacked the middle-school’s computers. It was something like a tradition, every year Tsuna would hack for their records. Making sure there were two copies of whatever they had collectively earned the year previous and giving one the name “Natsuyoshi”.

_One name, one face, one record._

He carefully set the system to absorb one of the upcoming year profiles as a mistake as it would appear to administration to be an accidental copy. He paused to check his codes and Natsu gently rubbed the stiffness out of his arms. It was more like pins-and-needles today so long as he limited his movements. His brother’s…unique…use of flames eased the pain more than he had expected.

_One name, one face, one record._

“Do we join a club?” Natsu caught and rubbed Tsuna’s hands when he pulled them off the keyboard so the circulation would restart and not drain all heat from his fingers.

_There was now only one Sawada Tsunayoshi attending Namimori Middle._

“Like what?” Tsuna gingerly lifted himself off of the chair. “ _owowow,_  I still would have to attend whatever it was we picked sometimes. We both hate sports, I can’t do the Disciplinary Committee, and you said you weren’t going to do anything art-like ‘cause it would invite the whole ‘Dame’ thing back.” He leaned into his brother as he finished whining.

“I don’t know, maybe gardening.” Natsu let himself be used as a hot water bottle as he wrapped a blanket around them both and sat them on the bed.

“We should be looking into jobs.” Tsuna sighed as the movement stopped, lessening the pain.

“If I get a sufficiently unpleasant job then I’ll be paid enough to support you.” Natsu mused. “Don’t know who would hire someone like me though. Cleaning maybe, or I could get back into crossdressing.” His eyes briefly landed on their clutched hands.

“Ugh, maybe we’ll get lucky and you’ll inherit Vongola.” Tsuna burrowed closer. “Or unlucky, depending. I think Xanxus would like you and I’m still not sure whether that’s a good thing.” Natsu was always so good about not moving and being warm.

“If he likes me, it’s probably bad.” Natsu blinked and looked away again. “I never found out what Kyoko saw in me before. Hana wanted to get a rise out of me and Takeshi was damaged and needed someone who would be honest with him. Hibari wanted a punching bag.”

“Still, I hate to say it but Vongola might be our best option.” Tsuna couldn’t believe himself. He played with the blanket edge, ignoring the flares of discomfort.

“We can’t count on it though.” Natsu pointed out. He was always so pessimistic.

“We’ll know by this time next year, Federico died nearly four months before Reborn showed his face. Byakuran said that most versions of the world had Sawada Tsunayoshi as head of Vongola.” Tsuna threw his legs over his brother’s. It stopped a lot of Natsu’s twitching.

“I don’t hope for things generally. If they try to separate us I can only see that going badly.” Natsu had switched to staring at Tsuna’s face, between his eyes.

“Reborn was epic but I won’t deny that I want to torment him a little.” Tsuna mused.

“It might be nice. What was the word? Schadenfreude?”  Natsu had caught himself staring and looked away again. “What until then though? We should have something…”

“Gardening club would stop us from dealing with a lot of grief.” Tsuna settled, then nudged Natsu until he laid them both down.

“I wish I had my Takeshi back, I understood him.” Natsu muttered. Then he sighed and let Tsuna flop on him until they fell asleep.


	4. Socialization take 2

Takeshi was scouting the roof again, looking at the people at the bottom, probably for the same thing other-Takeshi did. Sometimes Tsuna was right about the people around him. He hadn’t been right about anything optimistic yet though and wasn’t about to hold his breath for the possibility.

 “Bad day?” Tsuna asks.

Takeshi jumped, thankfully away from the fence, “Wha?”

“Hi,” Tsuna blinked and listed back on his heels. He thought Takeshi was more aware than that.

“Who are you?” Oh right, he’d technically never met this Takeshi.

“Sawada Tsunayoshi, I prefer Tsuna though.” Getting to introduce himself, this world just kept getting weirder.  “You were looking dramatically at the crowd over a ledge, so; bad day?”

“Ha-ha, it’s fine” Takeshi was grinning but it didn’t reach his eyes. Tsuna didn’t remember the last time he’d seen that. It still pissed him right off.

“Right, fine.” Tsuna rolled his eyes and shrugged checking his lunch.

“Why?” Takeshi’s smile looked more fake by the second.

Tsuna probably should have answered that. Instead he bounced his orange off of Takeshi’s forehead and caught it again. “That smile is as plastic as those creepy western dolls. Seriously, stop. Something’s wrong or you wouldn’t be faking so hard.”

Takeshi’s expression froze. “I’ll get over it, it’s just a tiny baseball slump.”

“Ah, I heard that happened in sports.” Tsuna nodded. “Relax your face though, seriously, I don’t think I could catch this orange again.”

“M’not sure what you mean.” He’d finally relaxed and smiled for real. Tsuna already felt less homicidal.

“You need a hobby that doesn’t depress you so much.” Tsuna advised. “Pocky?” He held it out.

“Hahaha Sure!” Takeshi’s eyes had lit up. “We’re sitting together and talking during lunch…does that mean we’re friends?” He reached for the pocky.

“I’m going to claim the answer is yes.” Tsuna nodded. “As I don’t actually have friends so I’m not sure. I have a twin, who’s kind-of like a friend.” He hands over another pocky and accepts a piece of sushi Takeshi pulls out of his bento. “I’ll introduce you some time, He almost never leaves the house so he doesn’t have friends either.”

They’ve shared everything else, why not? Besides, the more people who listen to Tsuna and Natsu instead of Reborn the better.


	5. Intercepted Mail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, years pass, Takeshi and Hana are in on the swapping, Haru goes to Nami-chu instead of the girls school so Kyouko is friends with her instead and drifted away from Hana, Hana thinks the twins antics are amusing enough that they aren't monkeys, and Fibro!Tsuna is about to spend one of his few light-pain days at school.
> 
> This Chapter is in Fibro!Tsuna's POV
> 
> AndThat'sWhatYouMissedOnTwoCanKeepASecret!

Tsuna flexed his toes, then tensed and relaxed his legs. The teacher was reviewing for the class so his fidgeting went unnoticed. The aching faded to pins and needles, positively relaxing given his usual.

A crumpled bit of paper hit the side of his head, drawing his attention to Hana. The expression on his face must have been hilarious as she had to duck her head to laugh. He rubbed a particularly intense twinge out of his thigh as he waited for her hilarity to fade. “Are you quite done?” He grumbled.

She made a so-so gesture before sobering up and mouthing, “ _Any news_?”

He shrugged. Reborn’s tutor advertisement flier hadn’t arrived yet but his intuition screamed that he was being watched, his aches and pain fading enough today to be overwhelmed by the sensation of all his hair standing on end. Natsu had reported the same feeling during outside chores the previous day.

“ _Maybe_ ,” he mouthed back. “ _Bad feeling_.”

She rolled her eyes. “ _You or him?_ ”

“ _Both_ ,” He numbered the formulae they were reviewing as he responded. Then reached under the desk to roll his wrists and stretch his fingers. The bell rang and he got up to stretch and shake out the rest of the way.

She grabbed his hand on the way out the door and sparked Morse code across his palm, lightning flames invisible between their hands. Shdw n tree w/view. U def bng wtchd. Tell 2 Skylark?

He drew his thumb across the back of her hand in an X. He peeked around from under his eyelashes as he stretched out his neck.

Friendly? “Are you joining Kyouko and Me for dancing at the arcade today? It’s a walk-in.” Plan? 

“Can’t move fast today…” He drew a circle on her hand, then wiggly line. “You coming over later?”

“Sure.”

* * *

 Tsuna led Hana inside. They kicked off their shoes. Hana grabbed the snacks and note Nana had left and they headed upstairs. She tossed him the note. He flipped it open to read. Nana was having a night off at the spa, dinner was takeout from Takesushi and Takeshi would be delivering it and joining them at dinner time.

He kicked the door open and Hana dropped everything on the table as he reached for the yoga tapes. she pulled the drapes closed the rest of the way and Natsu crawled out from under the bed. He was holding a flier made with crayon.

“How and why would Mama ever fall for something this pathetic?” He waved it around as they sat and he let Tsuna lean into his heat.

“Dunno, some kind of illusion? Maybe we’re only seeing it because of that Intuition thing? Does it look that bad to you Hana?” Tsuna lolled his head on his brother’s shoulder.

She leaned over to look, far too close, barely an inch away from Tsuna. “It looks like a tutor advertisement. Not a professional one if that price is accurate, and the font is a bit shaky, and…wait, is that crayon?” She snatched the advertisement out of Natsu’s hand and did a good pantomime of someone who needed glasses with it, holding it farther and nearer. “Shit. It’s written in crayon. Except when I’m not really paying attention, then it’s a perfectly normal or good advertisement and now it’s back to crayon…ugh.”

Tsuna and Natsu exchanged a look. Natsu grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around them as Tsuna curled up into his lap. “Ok, question answered. Now what?” Natsu stroked Tsuna’s hair as he said this.

“Hmph. We decide if we want to give the thing to Nana or burn it to make Reborn’s job harder.” Tsuna sighed.

“I vote we burn it.” Hana snorted. “A bad pun in crayon on construction paper is not an appropriate offer.”

By the time she had finished her sentence little flecks of ashes were floating to the floor. “I suppose that counts as agreement.” Tsuna mused. “I’m going to try to sleep off today. Move to the kitchen to get the homework done please? Reborn watched us go up here alone and close the curtain so he probably thinks we’re having sex by now."


	6. Bets and Bebotherment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There have been several more advertisements, all of which were caught. Reborn knows nothing and is still watching and the kids are having fun giving the runaround to an international killer.
> 
> Oh, and the kids joined gardening club so now there's a huge garden of flame saturated flowers around the house.
> 
> DETsuna is Tsuna

Reborn sent another advertisement. This time Hana sparked the fire to get rid of it. Reborn watched them for another week before finally sending a professionally made advertisement for tutoring. Hana approved enough that they let Reborn see Tsuna burn it with a blowtorch he’d convinced his mother to buy because their cooking class had done crème brule.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“What are the chances he starts doing a ‘Harry Potter’s first Hogwarts letter’ style of getting Nana to see the advert?” Takeshi asked as he and Natsu blended their flames so the distance would hide them from Reborn.

“Probably lower than handing one to Nana as a flier in person.” Natsu leaned into Takeshi’s numbing aura to lessen the aches.

“How much do you bet?” Takeshi eyed the curtains as he prepared to sneak them inside again.

“One Dinner?” Natsu mused as he grabbed piggy-back onto Takeshi.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tsuna dumped out the newest ashes and looked over the comic book that arrived that day so his snicker at the frustration he could feel from Reborn’s hiding place wouldn’t be so odd. Hana considered what he was looking at and also snorted when she saw the page and smacked him with the book. It was more of a brush than a smack but he brought his attention back.

“You’re awfully gentle for a Tsundere.” He blinked in shock at his own words for a moment before she snorted and replied.

“And you’re awfully skilled for a useless person. What’s your point?” She dropped the comic on the table again. Then she tugged on the curtains to summon Takeshi and Natsu back. She tracked their phone’s electricity until they disappeared into the backyard. There was nearly a field of flowers back there that they had pushed so much harmony-flame into it screwed with the perceptions of anyone who got too close.

Natsu let Takeshi tuck him into bed before using the earpiece to listen in as Takeshi joined Tsuna and Hana in the kitchen.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Natsu won the bet.

There was probably a better reaction to finding out your mother hired an infant who approached her in the street as your tutor but Tsuna didn’t claim to be reasonable. He pondered Reborn’s more obvious oddities as he used his ashes to suction his brother’s flames back into his muscles.

A relaxing practice that managed to hide the doubled flames from Reborn. Thankfully his touch-typing the transcript of Reborn’s announcement of the heirship was passed off as fidgeting. His rather more suicidal tendencies were a bit visible though.

Leaning into the gun Reborn pointed at him had seemed to startle the hitman. They’d recorded his report to Nono to find that he didn’t feel comfortable shooting the dying will bullets at them. They hadn’t expected that benefit, their flames were a bit different after all, and telling them apart was easier in Dying Will Mode.

“How long can we keep the charade going?” Tsuna asked as he intuited which touches would help his brother’s aches best.

“Reborn is smart.” Natsu didn’t so much as twitch away from the heat radiating off them both. “But his particular failing in this instance is to dismiss weak-acting people as non-threats. That’s how I took over, that’s how Skull survived his attentions, and that’s how Byakuran killed him.” Tsuna stopped rubbing so Natsu burrowed into the blankets again. “The key is to deflect blame.”

“It’s not our fault, even when it is?” Tsuna crawled over to his own bed.

“Refuge in audacity.” Natsu fell asleep after answering. Tsuna lay awake wondering how long they could casually pretend.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

**FLASHBACKS!!!**

**The Garden**

Natsu sipped his flame-infused tea while checking the leaves of their seedling roses. They’d swapped out today because Tsuna had scratched his arms all to hell playing with the mature roses the day before. Using the ashes wasn’t subtle enough so now Natsu was stuck trying to explain their orange and black roses to the teacher while hiding how much pain he was in.

Infusing the roses with flames produced such interesting results. The strange roses looked excellent in the backyard and caught at least three intruders. That had been interesting. How they did it however…

“The flowers are moving.”

“Wind?”

“None.”

*Crunch* *Dying animal noises* *Wail of Despair*

“…Did we make Rose-thulu?”

“Maybe.”

“I don’t think thorns are supposed to go there.”

“Nope.”


	7. Reborn's Report

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> REBORN'S PERSPECTIVE!!!

_To: Nono Vongola,_

_Subject: Lion Idiot's Brat._

_Arrived on time, tutoring started late. Fliers intercepted and destroyed by Subjects: Civilian Heir and Green Friend.  Approached the mother directly. DWB are useless. CH showing signs of possible suicidal tendencies. At minimum, reckless disregard for safety or survival, on his own or other's behalf. Caught him threatening to tip Potential Blue Friend off of a roof if he didn't "quit smiling at [CH's] pain." Tendency to lean into painful lessons anyway despite near constant griping. Smoking Bomb on the way for further test. I may actually have to enact a rescue if CH doesn't dodge. The fact is that at this point he "won't" dodge rather than "can't" and as a result any and all involvements of DW will have to be put off in favor of ensuring CH isn't actually suicidal._

_Less formally, There is no coffee. CH won't buy any no matter the threat and Mama has banned it from the house for "Health Reasons." Green Friend sees through all my costumes as does CH. The rosebushes around the house are straight out of Call of Cthulu (Although that means the only surveillance point to the house couldn't hide a gun or even a telescope for love or money. CH is a nightmare and this is going to cost you so much you'll consider Mammon's services cheap by the end of it._

 

_With regards as warm as the pits of hell,_

_Reborn: World's Greatest Hitman; Tutor._

 

_PS. Seriously, if I have to play feel-good counselor to this useless waste of flames, heads will roll._


	8. So there's gonna be kind of a switch of style here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reborn's Perspective again.

To: Nono Vongola

Subject: Civilian Heir

 

Possible bipolarity. CH ironically possesses more suicidal behaviors during 'manic' episodes than 'depressive'.

Smoking Bomb arrived. Attempted test. CH defused all bombs nearly in slow motion. Near miss with new technique from SB. CH dragged him out of blast range by his ear. Dragging continued even after explosion calmed all the way to "Disciplinary Committee" office. Did not finish "Loser Serves Winner" explanation before SB was handed over (Despite protests of future service) to Committee Head. Committee Head is a dangerous Cloud of appropriate age. SB was rid of explosives faster than he could see and beaten down. Possible Guardian Bond.

CH stayed for rest of missed period to watch ensuing violence in proportions I have not seen in some time including that last hit with the lasagna press and loose tiles. Attached are pictures + video. Reason deaths of previous heirs did not shock now rather obvious. Do not eat or drink while or immediately before viewing. Apparently SB will recover (Somehow) and be allowed to serve. (Though not as Right Hand as he desires)

Still no coffee. Only store that sells is entirely stocked in pre-made mixes. Not certain if I should make the kid suffer for it or you. Kid annoyingly resistant to training in all forms.

One bright spot. He's not afraid of violence. On the way back to house from SB test incident intercepted low-level assassin. Assassin reached out with chloroform rag and CH set both it and him on fire. 

Oddity after: Asked if CH would kill assassin or if he was going to wait for me to do it and he asked me not to kill him. "Sends the wrong message."

 

Then, to relieved-looking assassin: "suffer."

Assassin was picked up by Disciplinary Committee. Female division. Returned to deal with it when CH safe behind those God-forsaken rose bushes. Assassin was traumatized and broken worse than SB after meeting Committee Head, unable to speak or communicate in any way afterward. Methods unknown. No visible damage.

 

What The Actual Fuck Is Wrong With This Town?

Reborn.

 

PS. Demon-rosebush is named 'Rosie'

PPS. Returned to house to find remains of assassin's unknown partner. 'Rosie' got him. Head and most of torso missing. Assassin's partner will remain unknown.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Tsuna's and Hana smiled at the security camera's view of Reborn's letter. "Which one of us is manic?" "I don't know but this is hilarious anyway." "You two are awesome at dealing with monkeys. This is the best!"

One Tsuna left with Hana, the other settled in to wait.


	9. Fishing for encouragement at this point.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys realize that I have precisely no plan or outline for this thing. So have another of Reborn's reports.

Nono

I'm out of fucks to give. Please cancel Dying Will Pill order. CH already has access to his flames and enough ability not to set himself on fire. CEDEF's information gathering is worse than useless.

Kid is officially stuck between depressive and manic. That Committee Head is the only thing stopping him from burning down everything he sees. Has already attempted to remove the traps I placed in his bedroom by burning the entire place down around my ears while I sleep. If this was Hitman training I'd be praising him for chaotic potential. For a boss it's totally unacceptable if amusing.

CH is a pyromaniac on heretofore unseen levels. Occasionally has more self control but apparently that comes with days when he can hardly move anyway. Once found him in that state face-down on the ground. Female assassin came up on the other side. He set her skirt on fire without rising or looking. Deeply concerning mentality toward death deepens on those days, although Flame use is apparently easier to him then.

Kid hypnotized a set of yakuza into giving back all of that day's 'protection money' and then only defended his victims from Committee Head. I do mean victims, they were Flame drunk for six days before returning to follow him slavishly. "Listen up or be removed," is the name of the game. They're all surprisingly cooperative. If by cooperative you mean obsessive with Kid's every whim.

My bugs are greatly enjoying the garden but 'Rosie' will kill any who get too close to the Kid. I'd approve but I'm not sure whether it can be transplanted. Potential Rain is actually bonded already. Always checks with CH before doing anything I even suggest. Smart kid but it cuts down on chaos. If CH wasn't such a generator for it I'd be disappointed. SB is learning, more slowly than you'd think, but still. 

Still no Coffee. Send Some or your heir suffers my withdrawals with me.

 

Ever more Pissed Off,

World's Greatest Hitman

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Takeshi signaled Hana as He, Tsuna, and Reborn left the house so she could get the other Tsuna inside. She giggled and gave him a thumbs up before hustling Tsuna out of the rosebush and back into the house. 


	10. Emails this time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Experiments in Email

**To: _Ire51@robomail.net_**

**From: _27-TROLLZ-72@robomail.net_**

**Subject: Bwah Bwah Bwah~**

 

Enclosed, please find your music. Has B-Marshmallow contacted you yet?

_MP3:BLOOD AND PEPPERS_

 

**To: _27-TROLLZ-72@robomail.net_**

**From: _Ire51@robomail.net_**

**RE: Bwah Bwah Bwah~**

 

 

Received music. Do I want to know about the sudden dearth of coffee in this town? Sister becoming inconsolable. Grades dropping all over school. 

Do I want to know who 'B-Marshmallow is?

 

**To: _Ire51@robomail.net_**

**From: _27-TROLLZ-72@robomail.net_**

**RE(2): Bwah Bwah Bwah~**

 

His name is Byakuran Gesso. He is obsessed with marshmallows and sees into parallel worlds.

Depends on whether we can sideline him before he becomes a problem. If he mentions world-takeover just remind him of how much paperwork that would cause and also how that would stop marshmallow production. 

Fair warning: Incoming poison expert with terrible aim and bazooka-wielding five-year-old. If found, remove yourself from premises for your own safety.

The crazy is coming for us all. <-Not helpful. Sorry about Trauma-Tsuna.

 

**To: _27-TROLLZ-72@robomail.net_**

**From: _Ire51@robomail.net_**

**Subject: Ye GODZ!**

 

I can't believe you made me contact you through Miura. You owe me so many bottles of antacid!

Thank's for the contact info RE: Spanner. Sanity is somewhat restored in my quarter. You can sleep over when you deliver the antacid.

PS: thanks for the warning about Byakuran. With marshmallows and sanity as a bribe we seem to have averted the apocalypse. Somehow. He really wants to meet you. I won't stop him.

 

**To: _Ire51@robomail.net_**

**From: _27-TROLLZ-72@robomail.net_**

**RE: Ye GODZ**

 

Fair. No not fair. I haven't found a flattering dress and wig to meet him in yet.

I'll meet him when I bring the antacids. Trauma-Tsuna can stay and deal with Reborn this weekend while I sleep over with you and B-Marshmallow. Can't wait to join you. 

Any ideas for messing with Reborn? I need a plan or I'll do something Pained-Tsuna will be sad or angry about.

 

**To: _27-TROLLZ-72@robomail.net CC:MMallowking100_**

**From: _Ire51@robomail.net_**

**RE(2): Ye GODZ!**

 

Sleep in the roses a lot? or ask that Fuuta kid. Idk. Reborn scares me. It's the chaos and pain. Speaking of: <3 X <3 X <3 X <3 those were from Byakuran.

 

PS: see? I sent them your message. Now you're CC'd talk to them yourself.

 

**To: _27-TROLLZ-72@robomail.netI, Ire51@robomail.net_**

**From: _MMallowking100_**

**Subject: Dearly Beloved**

 

I would have sent more hearts and kisses but Shoichi threatened to taze me. How do you feel about games?

 

PS: XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

 

**To: _MMallowking100_**

**From: _27-TROLLZ-72@robomail.net_**

**Subject: WTF "Dearly Beloved"?**

 

Currently playing the long and dangerous game of "Let's see how long it takes Reborn to realize there are two Sawada Heirs?" Anything you can do to further distract him or assist our avoidance would be welcome.

You can help us plan the eventual reveal while I'm sleeping over at Shoichi's. Don't do it within his hearing, you know how sensitive he is.

 

**To: _27-TROLLZ-72@robomail.netI_**

**From: _MMallowking100_**

**Subject: Yes you are my "Dearly Beloved," Both of you.**

 

;)

 

**To: _MMallowking100_**

**From: _27-TROLLZ-72@robomail.net_**

**Subject: We Reiterate: WTF "Dearly Beloved"?**

 

XXX-XXX-XXXX if you want to text us. Emojis are for texting. Don't waste the Email space.

 

**To: _27-TROLLZ-72@robomail.netI_**

**From: _MMallowking100_**

**Subject: Yes you are my "Dearly Beloved," Both of you. My heart and soul mates!**

 

I'm a monster, a horrible user, and a sociopath. I want you for who you are.

And now I have your number.

 

+++++++++++++++++++

"Did we plan for this?"

"No, but it could always be worse."

"Me with Reborn and you with Byakuran. Who shall have the worst weekend?"

"You're both Fucked." Hana turned the page of her magazine. "And one of you needs to get scarce. Reborn's coming."

 


End file.
